A Mike Meeple Review - Ghostbusters: The Board Game

By Cryptozoic Entertainment

If There's Something Strange In Your Neighborhood

The 80's were a wonderful time.  They gave birth to some of the most iconic movies EVER.  I'm talking about Indiana Jones.  I'm talking about Back to the Future.  I'm talking about Die Hard.  I could keep going.  Karate Kid.  Lethal Weapon.  The Goonies.  All 80's movies.  But few were able to permeate our pop culture like Ghostbusters.  There were toys.  There were cartoons.  There was a cereal.  Hell, there was a Ghostbusters juice box for crying out loud!  There was Ghostbusters EVERYTHING.  And their fanbase is some of the most rabid out there.  Don't believe me?  Just ask the cast of the 2016 reboot.

Every kid wanted one, but most of us settled for strapping a vacuum to our backs

So, now with a resurgence of sorts happening, Cryptozoic Entertainment has picked up the license, and is giving us a board game.  Cryptozoic has a track record of releasing games based on properties from TV and film, like Walking Dead or Attack on Titan.  But this game is based on the new comics by IDW Publishing, which is ironic because IDW Publishing also has a games division called IDW Games.  So, we're getting a game based on a comic book, based on a movie, from a company that makes games based on movies, not comic books, but not the company that makes the comic book that this game is based on, even though THAT company makes both comic books and games...  Got a headache yet?

I Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts...

Bonus points for having a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man "miniature"

Ghostbusters: The Board Game is a cooperative game for 1-4 players where each player gets to control the original crew from the 1984 film, trying to close gates that are letting ghosts through to the land of the living.  When a game tells me that it's 1-4 players, that usually means that 1-4 players take control of each of the Ghostbusters.  But that's not entirely true here.  There are no real rules for playing this game solo.  Typically, there are special rules for when you play a game by yourself, like reducing the number of bad guys, or something like that.  Hell, there aren't even any rules for playing the game with less than four characters!  You have to use all four ghostbusters, in every game, every time.  Don't HAVE 4 players?  Well, one player controls multiple Ghostbusters.  WHAT?!?  The Ghostbusters all have different powers and their own character cards!  How would you be able to keep track of all that, or who's turn it is?!?  How can any sane person play this game by themselves?!?  This isn't a 1-4 player game.  This isn't even a 2-4 player game.  This is a 4 player game!  There is no room for variation.  If one of your crew can't make it that night, you might as well play something else.

Literally, the only person physically capable of playing Ghostbusters by themselves

So, as the ghosts swarm out of the gate tokens around the map tiles, the players move their characters around and try to hit the ghosts with their proton packs.  In order to do this, the players roll a die and compare the result to the ghost's target number.  I say "die" because you only use one.  You roll a single die for every attack.  Every.  Attack.  A single.  Die.  Man, it's such a great feeling rolling a single 6-sided die in my hand, said no one ever.  

That may not sound too bad to you, but when you consider that the easiest ghosts are only hit on 4 or better, that means statistically, you're going to miss HALF of the time!  And if you miss?  Guess what!  The ghost RUNS AWAY.  And if you're somehow able to HIT the sucker?  Guess what!  The ghost RUNS AWAY!  And these movements are usually random, so the damn thing ends up out of your range or line of sight, and then you have to start the whole process over!

"But, Mike Meeple, I'm sure you can find attachments for your weapons, or new weapons that will improve your chances or let you re-roll.  I, mean, that's how these games work, right?"

NOPE.  They're the Ghostbusters, guys!  The Ghostbusters only use their proton packs to hunt ghosts.  And no, Melissa McCarthy, the Ghostbusters don't use dual pistol proton packs or anything silly like that.  So, that means no power ups.  That means no items.  That means your success is completely contingent on your ability to control what number you roll on that single 6-sided die.  Which is to say, impossible.

When character development was not based on what kind of weapon they carried

"But, Mike Meeple, can't you surround the ghosts and get a bonus to your roll?  Like a benefit for flanking them or something?"

NOPE.  In fact, you want to be as far away from those little boogers as possible, because if one happens to move through you after you miss them, or even hit them, then your character becomes Slimed.  Every time you're Slimed, you get a Slime Token and you start your turn with one less action per Slime Token.

So, let me get this straight...  You're having to roll a die, singular, with no way of controlling the outcome, which will cause the target to run in a random direction, regardless of whether you hit it or not, so there's no way to plan for it, and if you get hit, you have less opportunities to repeat this insanity on your turn?

BUT WAIT!  THERE'S MORE!

If you want to get rid of all the Slime Tokens you have, you have to skip your entire turn!  But don't worry.  One of the ghosts will surely bump into you again before you get a chance to act, possibly more than once.  And you'll be back to being slimed in no time.  It's a task that's comparable to Sisyphus (look it up).

And it's not like there's a way for you to lose quickly or anything like that.  Sure, they have the Spirit World, and when that is empty, you lose (ie. when you need to spawn a ghost and there are none left), but that is a SLOOOW process.  And nothing happens when all the players are slimed.  You just skip some turns and keep playing.

It's almost brilliant.  This game is so meta that it doesn't actually punish the players for performing badly with in-game consequences.  Oh, no.  It punishes players with REAL LIFE consequences, sucking away their life one hour at a time by making them play this game even longer!

Torture machine indeed

Word of warning to the players who just think they can quit playing.  This game will find you.  This game will force you to keep playing.  It is the Liam Neeson of board games.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Man, oh man, this game looks pretty, though.  Like, seriously pretty.  Like, other game companies can take cues on production value here.  They brought in the artists from the IDW comics to do all of the art for the game.  And the miniatures are well sculpted and don't feel cheap.  Heck, the ghosts are even made of translucent plastic, which is a great touch, if not a little frustrating for us painters out there.

Bustin' DOES NOT make me feel good

I can't actually come up with anything I don't like about the production value of this game.  Nothing feels cheap, or rushed.  And I love the fact that when you somehow miraculously  hit a ghost, you put a little ring physically ON the miniature.  It really makes it feel like you're wrapping it up with your proton stream.

Buy It!, Try It!, or Fly It!

For the uninitiated, this is a breakdown of my rating system:

Buy It! = Go buy this, right now!  It is fantastic and worth your hard earned money!

Try It! = Play it with a friend or at your local game store.  You might like it or you might not.

Fly It! = %&#! this game!

So, yeah...  A bit of a foregone conclusion on this one.  This game is honestly one of the worst games I've ever played.  The mindless repetition, and inability to strategize or generate any amount of success...  It's just awful.  It's almost like this isn't ACTUALLY a Ghostbusters game.  It's actually based on another Bill Murray movie...  This is Groundhog Day: The Board Game, but without the fun.

Yeah, that's about right...

And it's not like this was some quick cash grab game with the Ghostbusters theme just painted on.  Cryptozoic Entertainment put in some serious effort to make sure that this game looked FANTASTIC and was absolutely DRIPPING with theme.  And I honestly believe that someone worked REALLY hard on the mechanics of this game system.  And I think that actually kind of makes it worse.

I know that this game will sell.  Heck, it already HAS.  Like I said, the Ghostbusters fanbase will not be deterred.  And, honestly, if you weren't that familiar with board games, this might be fun for you.  And I know there's a sequel on its way that promises to address some of the issues present in this game.  Man, I hope they do, because the potential is there, but this game...

The Verdict....?

FLY IT!

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